Umiikot ang mundo, nagbabago ang panahon. Wala ka nang magagawa. Nadadagdagan ang edad natin kada taon, tumatanda rin ang mga magulang natin. Wala ka nang magagawa. Wala na, wala ka nang magagawa. Nakakatakot no? Kung iisipin mo na nakakatakot mamatay, wala ka namang magagawa. Necrophobia. Takot…
Hello, Guam. Cheers to the last friday of 2012! <3 Had chocolate fondue then watched The Hobbit w cousins! I’m not a fan of Lord of the Rings and such. But the movie was good. Looking forward to Part 2. lol
Give us strength and determination to create more space in our lives for you. By your Holy Spirit, open our ears and touch our hearts to understand more of your justice and mercy, not only for ourselves, but also for those who suffer injustice in this world. Through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.”
Lolo’s burial @ Ilocos Sur. May your soul rest in peace. ✚
So anyway…I wrote this because it’s very hard to express these things verbally. I hope you understand…
My dearest brother,
2012 has been a year, awfully packed, with lamenting memories and experiences for me. Elegiac as it is, I treasure the spiteful scars as they honed me as a person humbled by the truths of life. I know that you do not feel as remorseful as your sister and I with the death of our grandfather. I do not blame you. You were too young… Perhaps, too vague to remember the whole of he really was. And of course, how could you not hate him when all you have been hearing were limited remarks on how “evil” he was. Sadly, I think you may have been indoctrinated due to your youth. It is not because we are women that we are more in pain than you are. You will be surprised how some are unintentional hypocrites. That is when it came to my light that it really is different when you are blood related. The bond would open us to regret and longing of forgiveness.
We all have our yin and yang. Our grandfather was not a horrible man. If he was, everyone would merely shut their mouths and simply give their condolences. But that did not happen. Instead, they shared stories of an old man wishing of mended ties with his sons and grandchildren. He wanted to see us. He wanted to embrace us. Age will lead you to the simpler yet significant things in life. It is a basic scientific theory in my field of course, and you will know and confirm that someday. Why is it that there are people who forgave and believed in their sons despite of them being grave sinners? And why is it that we criticized our own flesh and blood only because of money? Money that we know is a source of evil. Money that we know can be replaced. Despite of being prayerful and taught with the everlasting forgiveness & love of our Lord, when did we start playing God to judge others? Isn’t it disgraceful that we, as grandchildren, showed more favor on the other side of the family? When did we become bias? I have wondered myself how different it would be if his first wife did not die on him, but we cannot change that. He may be at fault, but so are we. Grim honesty, we have shunned him when he needed understanding as we’ve tried to understand and accept dad. Let us not conclude immediately. Rather, recall his experiences of why he has become of such. I will not clean my hands that I have said appalling words when our dad was in a horrific state. Maturity is very hard to gain and most especially hard to keep. It is these times that maturity will be embedded in our hearts.
It was not more than 3 years ago that we girls visited our grandparents. They were healthy but old. They even offered us a humble cake from the town bakery. We cried in the bus on our way home because we felt ashamed that we took the time of visiting for granted. I even made a promise to work hard and save so that I could give them a more comfortable living someday. I wanted to repay them because they will always be a part of what I am and what wicked I have not become. But alas, time did not let me. Let us not repeat these mistakes. Time waits for no one. Time proved its supremacy yet again. The world pointed out how man can be so corrupted. Remember, our grandfather may have enjoyed luxury which caused our ties to break, but he would never steal a life for money. The person who stole him from us and this world may be far more than a monster for us. Then again, if we find him, we must forgive him because he is not just a murderer. He could be a son, or a brother, or victim of this dreadful world.
You see my brother, someday we will be old. We will have separate lives and may not see each other for a very long time. We might do unforgivable and inevitable things. But in the end, I will always come to see you and forgive you because you are family. I am not telling you to do the same for me. It is not a give and take condition. It is unconditional love. It is something that makes us human and genuine children of God. So please do not forget to pray. Pray because we are very thankful of who and what we are. Pray for our losses because they made us stronger and wiser each time. Pray because our family is complete and strongly bonded. Pray because God wants to listen to our stories even if he sees our daily endeavors. Pray for our grandfather because we will not be here without him. Pray to forgive. Pray so that we will all meet in heaven again someday…